When I am alone, which is almost every time,
there are so much thought comes. From friends, family, big family, old friends and work life.

when I tak buat apa apa,
only duduk rumah,
for those yg close dgn I, diorg dah faham diri ini.
betapa aku dengan handphone seperti musuh. haha.
when Im at home, I really lazy to look at my phone, at my insta.
Why ? here is the starting of the many episodes of my decreasing self esteem.

Sometimes, I am being jealous with my friends who already work and have their own life.
they can enjoy on their own money. also they must be, feel proud with their workplace.
frankly, some of them works under big company and have good position.
tipu la kalau tak jeles kan.

So I thought, when I see their story, their life, I will be pressure and jealous ofc.
and when Im overthinking like tht, it will disturb my mood and everything.
Honestly, I dont know bcs of my illness or what, I am very sensitive person.
You can always see me happy, the one yg selalu buat lawak bodo, and hyper at outside
or when you see me. But at home, I will turn into 360 degree.
I am not the person you know before.

Thts me.

So I decide to kurangkan my mood swings by jarang2 update with social med.
thts the main reasons.

2 years ago, when I decided to work at kfc, Im also like this.
I mean before Im starting my work there. Im at home, and my self esteem downgrade like 50%.
haha tak tipu. but tht time I am more braver bcs I decided to have some money on my own.
So before I started my work there, I am in dilema either to work or not. How I should manage my mood, how I can control my emotion, and how to properly react and mingle with surrounding.
Bcs for me, when I dah lama sgt dduk rumah, I will rasa kepam. haha faham tak ? tak tahu perkataan lain yg sesuai.
But after a month ? I really enjoy my work. meeting with new people, new experiences in many many ways. from work life to love life. I experienced everything y'know.

So, now, I again feel the same. Self esteem downgrade like 30%.
I saw my cousins story, my friends story.
I also want feel the same as they are.
but more better, I want to give my best !
I wish I can be more strong than before. I hope I can always say to myself :
"Perhaps you will see postivity in every negativity. Do not riak najeeha. Live as wht have been written for you. Always grateful najeeha. And struggle as you can, as long as you can give the best for your parents and friends"